Recently, I read an article written by an elderly woman which I found sweetly moving. She discusses what it’s like to age, and says that happiness in the later years is based a lot on luck, and a lot on attitude. Food for thought.
I’ve often wondered at the different ways to age… to either become bitter, or to accept it and find fun in new ways. We’ve all met the angry senior, the one who thinks that it’s OK to cut in line, sit with their elbows out on the train, or complain all the time. Worst of all are those who shut people down, always being the “expert” on absolutely everything and refusing to learn from anything from the young. We’ve also met the inspirational, fun, loving older person. The grandma who wears big purple hats, pinches her grandson’s cheeks, has an email account, and bakes cookies for people trying to diet. Those are the people we really learn from. Show me the way!
In my opinion, our society doesn’t mix ages enough. We have so much to learn from each other, the old and young. Keeping young people around is a great way to keep up the energy level and attitude. And for the young, you benefit so much from that elderly person who said (when you were 10) “live your life to the fullest, you only get one you know!” (Then you reach your 30s and all of a sudden the same generation is wondering why that kid never settled down and became responsible). But I digress… the point is, getting older is definitely something to think about and prepare for.
It’s strange, I can say that for the first time in my life, old age is not an abstract thing. I can feel its whisper on my shoulder and am very aware that it really is just around the corner. It’s not here yet, but before I know it, I’ll be looking back and laughing at this post. Now I can only wonder, what will be the hardest thing about it? How will I age? Will I be upset by my loss of freedom? Probably. But maybe there will be other things to enjoy.
A passage in the article that I found particularly poignant:
There are things I used to like doing that I don’t now — like sex. This was not a sudden event, its early stages occurred in my late 50s. I was forced into acceptance of this when our household was invaded by a ruthless and remarkably succulent blonde lodger in her mid-20s, and my partner Barry fell into bed with her.
There was one sleepless night of real sorrow, but only one night. What I mourned was not the loss of my loving old friend Barry, who was still there, but the loss of youth. ‘What she has, God rot her, I no longer have and will never, never have again.
I realized that this concern over loss of youth and beauty begins tormenting girls from a very young age, when it is the best and most important asset one has (many times, without the girl even quite realizing it). You have it, then whoop! it’s gone. Oh wait, I was sexy then? Crap, I missed it! I was too busy worrying about that pimple on my chin.
It’s true that men, in general, highly value younger, prettier women. (Obviously I’m focusing on heterosexual relationships, here). The age of an attractive woman doesn’t really change, no matter how old the man is. As men age, they in many ways grow sexier. Meanwhile, their life partner loses her sex appeal, and there’s generation after generation of comparatively prettier and prettier women coming on the scene. It’s a little unsettling for us. But, what if attractiveness wasn’t the only thing that made us happy? What of the women who prefer a round-trip ticket to Mongolia over a face-lift? Guys won’t want to talk to us anymore, with our wrinkles and purple hats, but we’ll sure have some good stories for those that do…
Then a friend posted that she will be giving a talk to a sorority, and asked, “What do these girls need to hear?” Now, I am about to make a gross generalization here, but I find that sororities in particular value appearance very highly. A fraternity brother once even delved into a very detailed explanation to me about how his house would only invite the prettiest sororities to their parties; the whole point was to get them as drunk as possible and get laid. Wow.
So, what would I say to a group of sorority girls? What would I like to say to all young girls, really-
“You are at the prime of your life. You are beautiful! But, think for a second – If you weren’t sexy, would you be happy?… Prepare yourself for that day, because it comes for every woman. Set yourself up to be happy regardless of your ability to attract a man, and you will be happy for life.”
The best part about this is, if/when you do find the man you love, your own self-worth is not completely dependent on how he physically sees you. This not only makes you a less annoying mate, but a happy person all around, way more fun to be with, and… in the end, who really cares? You’re in love! Have fun.
